Everything Wrong With: Rough and Ready

                                                                part one

"Her long hair, still wet from the shower, had been combed down her back in a wet swath. Hilda was sitting on the floor, her round, wet boobs (way to make boobs sound gross) still wet from the shower's water. She dried off the water with a towel, which then became wet."

How did this even get published? It sounds like something a middle school student wrote in a creative writing class, which they probably failed. It really feels like the writer can't be older then 14, and probably has little sexual experience. I am no expert, but "round wet boobs" isn't getting anything flowing in me.    

"She stood and spun around, her breasts swinging heavily with momentum."

ew... the author again managed to make breasts sound gross. Am I the only one imagining grotesquely pendulum like boobs, long and sagging, knocking into each other like billiard balls? 

"As Hilda's buttermilk bosoms squished up against his granite abs, Torolf almost had a dick aneurysm."

what is with these characters names? Torolf? And I can't fathom how a "dick aneurysm" could POSSIBLY be sexy... or the idea of breasts... squishing. 

"Torolf entered her like she was a lottery."

"Her spongy love mountins hurled to and fro with each pounding."

did I seriously read this right? Who is getting off to this... The visual is nothing short of hilarious.